#so its hard to go back to reading anything else bcs its not written in that certain way

[skitskatdacat63]

Do you ever get super enamored w some writer(s)'s work and it's like ...how do I read any other fics for this fandom after this

[c1oud999]

hi

i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.

basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.

thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.

lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.

[lover-of-mine]

so I saw your earlier post about how Tommy is getting Ali’ed, and I wanted to ask about who you think is the most developed and likeable out of Buck’s love interests? (except Eddie ofc, he’s the best and I can feel it in my bones that he will become endgame.) I’m still in s3, so I’m kinda a new watcher you could say. (I’ve read too many tumblr spoilers and copius amounts of fanfics though, so I’m able to keep up with and watch season 8 live).

I wanted to ask this because I’ve seen so much Tommy hype and promotion on here that I really thought that he was developed as a character and a main. But from what I’ve heard, he’s only worse than Buck’s and Eddie’s actually developed love interests. Before I actually started watching the show, I’ve only heard bits and pieces here and there about 911 and the “gay” firefighters, but that’s about it. I only started watching seriously during season 7, and I’m a pretty slow binge-watcher (hence why I’m only 3x12 lmao). When I went back to season 1, I fully expected to see Tommy (bc honestly, I thought Tommy and Eddie were the same person for a while lmaooo), but then I got to season 2 and saw the begin episodes and I was like wtf? How do people actually like this man? Eddie is literally RIGHT there. Even if Eddie wasn’t endgame or a romantic interest, he’s still a better compliment to Buck platonically than Tommy is romantically. So then I thought “oh maybe he had a redemption arc or like changed for the better like Buck did,” but from what I’ve seen on s8 and on here, it seemed like he didn’t? So that only makes me more confused on why a majority of the fandom seems to love his character. Personally, I don’t really see anything, but I guess everyone has their own opinions 🤷🏻 . Though, I’m scared that I’m basing this on too little info and I missed something because I haven’t watch seasons 4–7.

(this got so long I’m so sorry. it kinda ran away from me a little bit 🫡. Lowkey needed to vent my thoughts)

Hi, darling! I'm gonna ignore Abby, because in the context of season 1, Buck is her love interest, not the other way around, since she is the main character. So most developed is hands down Taylor. Ali was barely there, and Natalia didn't fulfill what they wanted to do with her since the actress couldn't come back to s7. Likable is complicated because Ali and Natalia aren't around enough for you to get attached and, Taylor and Tommy have a past of hurting the 118, so it's hard to be sympathetic at times. Taylor gets a lot of background information, they live together, even though the relationship is clearly wrong, both of them are trying to make it work as best as they can, so it makes sense for Taylor to be around. She tries to love Buck as best as she can, it's just not enough, they are incompatible. And, well, Tommy. Imma be honest, the only thing Tommy has going for him is the fact that he is a man. The bt fandom took that and ran. Basically, they decided that since he is a man and a first responder that meant that the relationship would be super developed and they built it UP based on nothing really (actually based on Lou having a cameo and people paying him to headcanon with them, but that's a whole another you just had to be there), not on the show at least. I don't believe he had a redemption arc, the show kinda makes it seem like being queer excuses his behavior and just doesn't address it. In my opinion, when I try my best to be unbiased and ignore the way I deeply hate the character because of the fandom, I think Tommy is pointedly being written as a bad fit in Buck's life and the relationship will run its course once Buck wakes up and stop just accepting whatever.

And if you think Eddie is the better compliment to Buck and you're still in 312, just wait, they get more intense. It's madness. They are soulmates, I don't care about anything else.

[menlove]

Sorry if you’ve been asked this already, but do you have any mclennon fic recs for 1967/pepper era?? I’m obsessed with the vibes around this time, and with Jane away John and Paul seemed to spend a lot of their free time during this period together, but I’ve had trouble finding much of anything. Thx!! <3

oooh good question ! i love love love the 1967/pepper era so let me look back in my ao3 history and see what i've got

these aren't all pepper's era, but they are all 1967 (w the exception of One that's not 67 but Is pepper's). put a 💖 next to ones i especially love

If You'll Shut Up About It, I Will

mature. au. 4k

The day after his birthday, Paul McCartney admits on national television that he's illegally had sex with men. On multiple occasions. But it's the media's responsibility not to spread these things, isn't it? Unfortunately (or fortunately), someone else is watching the broadcast, and wants to know why Paul has decided to declare he's queer to all and sundry when he's the one who's been waiting for Paul to give it a go. AKA, That LSD Interview but make it gayer. note: very interesting, short little au on if paul had come out as having had queer sex rather than having done lsd

you know i know when it's a dream

mature. 5k. In 1967, The Beatles visited Greece with the plan of purchasing an island they could call home. Of course, it was mostly John's idea. note: angsty, smutty little one-shot that hurt my heart

1967 💖

mature. 11.5k. au. In 1961, John Lennon and Paul McCartney left abruptly on a trip to Spain, via France. In 1967, they finally come home to face the consequences. note: not EXACTLY what you're looking for but hey the year is in the title..... but it's sooo good i'll rec this fic constantly. they do definitely have the same aesthetic that they did in real life 1967 too. but this one is so fucking good. it's got an experimental style that lets you see everyone's pov while still remaining really well written which imo is hard to do when you're doing a bunch of pov switches. but it's outsider perspective mclennon & explores the nuances of their relationship and how it was/wasn't impacted by fame and how they'd still be creative with each other if they'd never gotten famous from the beatles...... also they basically create the muppets which i think makes this worth reccing on its own tbh

The Places Where You Bend

mature. 2.6k. "Whatever the opposite of 'toppermost of the poppermost' might be, we're in it up to our asses." It's 1967, all hell is breaking loose, and Paul doesn't know if he can do this anymore. note: ugh i loved this one. it's angsty, as any beginning-of-the-end-of-their-relationship fic is, but it's sooo them and very bittersweet

Stop all the clocks 💖

mature. 30.8k. au. For the following kink meme prompt: ‘1967. After Brian dies, Paul decides not to go ahead with MMT, and takes John up to Scotland for a month instead.’ Also based on the following comment on said prompt: ‘pls someone let them fuck tenderly in 1967’ note: definitely an instant classic! super sweet au that makes you wish life had gone this way for them

Way Up Top 💖

explicit. 12k. Falling out of the sky, together. | Snapshots of the Beatles in Greece, July 1967 note: one of my all-time faves ughhhhhh i just love how they wrote everyone. like ofc the mclennon is great, but this one is so so good for just all around good characterization and writing

always, no sometimes 💖

explicit. 20k. Stolen moments from a single year. Or: four times someone nearly found John and Paul together, and the one time they found each other. Set around the recording of Sgt. Pepper, 1966. note: not 1967, but 100000% the vibe you're looking for. such a good fic. i honestly need to do a re-read bc it's been long enough, but this one was just. augh. so much mustache sex too.

shotgunning

explicit. 3.4k From the kink meme prompt: john/paul, shotgunning weed note: i don't Think this one has a year on it officially, but it definitely fits the vibe you're looking for!

Drop Chute

explicit. 1.9k. paul/robert as well "Paul does coke off Robert's dick and blows him in a public toilet. John is in the neighbouring stall and hates it." FFA asked and I delivered. note: ahhhh we love a good "john getting jealous of paul fucking other men" fic

again

explicit. 1.3k In the summer of ‘67, Paul knows exactly how lucky he is to be the man who gets to fuck John, and then eat him out, and then fuck him again, and then — note: it's smut and it's good smut what else can i say truly

Club Sandwich

mature. 4k. Some drug-fueled party in 1967. Paul ends up sandwiched between two men on the couch. As they start fondling and kissing him, John stumbles upon the scene… note: absolutely great. possessiveness and coke prince paul...... what else could i want from a fic

Carousel 💖

explicit. 3.4k 21 March, 1967. John accidentally drops acid during the mixing of Sgt Pepper. Paul drives him back to Cavendish and decides to take LSD for the first time. Based on true events. John's POV. note: definitely my favorite take on the "john and paul tripping together for the first time" story. so good and introspective.

you can get it wrong (and still think you're right)

explicit. 7.4k. Paul visits John at Weybridge. January, 1967. The laziest man in England, that article had said, and Paul thought suddenly of John, lounging: John, turning the pages of a book with one languid hand, his hair mussed and fetching, making pithy comments to empty rooms. Or maybe he didn’t speak at all when he was alone; Paul realized that he didn’t know anymore. note: aghhhh another great one by stonedlennon. the bittersweetness of their relationship.... love this one a lot tbh

Angles

explicit. 2.7k. John takes another languid drag of his cigarette, his eyes alight now when they look into the lens, meeting Paul's. He's a marvellous subject. They should put him in every movie. "That it?" Paul asks—leading. Hungry. "You're the director. Give us a direction," John goads him. note: looove this one. but all of moeexyz's fics are so good so that's to be expected tbh

an orgasm of sound 💖

explicit. 5.3k “It was a good piece of work between Paul and me. I had the ‘I read the news today’ bit, and it turned Paul on, because now and then we really turn each other on with a bit of song, and he just said ‘yeah’ – bang bang, like that.” — John Lennon Or, John and Paul work on A Day in the Life. note: another great one from moeexyz! this one is..... well. Well. it's very good. what more could i ask for in life than piano sex and a day in the life

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

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reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

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watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

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playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

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making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[covey-o-quail]

magic isnt sentient I DONT CAREEEEE white london is ALIVE it's dying but like. it's still alive. they acknowledge this. the earth is angry the magic is afraid. and ok so tell me why antari present at like 4-5 + holland was 8 not like a super outlier but truly he probably would not have survived if he was a target That young. It Chose Him change my mind impossibleand also. his eye took a long time to go black white london scraping the bottom of the barrel for this boy who had pretty much already offered himself up which. hello. + his freaky threads "it was probably just osaron" okay i just think he would have noticed a change in his magic if so a la keel frayed threads anyway also also like he just was Given blood commands? so was kosika. also im normal abt hollands first spell being to end a life and kosikas being to save one . im so normal and also it is relevant. but like kell and lila had to learn them like theyd learn anything else. and maybe this one can be written off as it kind of makes things more difficult to explain otherwise bc where would white london antari get them from But. holland also has like a deepinate understanding of the rules and regs alsoBut. true unignorable freaktari behavior when they keep saying only the folk who hold the elements in balance can nurture life bc it's fragile at the start (o_o) and antari are often just Way Too Powerful to have Balance and the Priest Trees book4 They Keep Saying This and well. Well. tentatively crediting ghostholland with his tree However kosika cherry tree those most egregious Uhm?s but like even before that and even before That. i mean holland growth and life and strength/control/Balance w da rings n shit forever WAIT i was also going to say this later but it hit me holland black london deathsleep grass weeds flowers holland silver wood........ the Grass.................hello. yeah i for sure think his body is in some kind of incorruptible preserved + this? im not saying serak wouldnt be deep in his faith without but. Also the whole 10days theroies Like white london is definitely preserving him i think it would be good if it said Ok we understand rest a little while but like. it's not over here. i think it would be good if white london and its people learned to love the other again and trust. that was always the biggest thing 2 me since book one literally the whole magic + man story and then kell thinking abt holland vortalis ally and then holland + danes story BE SO FR maybe thats why i got confused and didnt understand the framing of acol ending bc holland was always white london 2 me on some level and he should have lived and if he dies well. "when you say mean things abt urself this is who ur being mean to" except holland when u kill urself this is who And living his life loving white london was how . . so yes magic has been bound and abused for so long like how is an answer not to stop mistreating it. it would be so hard and so scary to accomplish but i believe andi think something could be done w holland switching sides in the allegory being a man w no magic just a guy who still is not unlike white london itself in fact more so even!! but whateverrrrrrr this gets into unfumbled alt paths. working w what is presented i am still hopeful

ok so i am curious how kosikas power will be explained if it's not literally just White London Chose Her Too since like. that cannot be hollands power lol. when i first read i was really negative abt the inheritor being brought back up and the possibility of it being An Object In Play for this trilogy but now. actually kind of digging it (osaron excluded) bc i would be fine if lila goes for it. espesh since it took her+kells power to close that one door and if things only escalate Well. there are more thoughts as to lila but i would support her if she decided to take the plunge and i would support her if she chose to Not and find another way and trust. i would be fine if kosika went for it bc it would probably either be bc 1) holland told her to or 2) holland told her not to. LOGISTICS ASIDE im not typing out the minutiae of hows. truly i do not think option 1 bc the truth of the inheritor would dismantle The Everything lol. but yk ghostholland can just lie so. it's simply a question of why and also what is he. number two is holland gets revived or some other thing happens and unravels kosikas whole Everything and it leads to a Mess and well. it would be really sick and twisted if kosika Actually went and inherited hollands power since we love to keep saying shes done so. and also she would do it to save her world that was it that was the Reason sorry i kind of think she'd be mad and disappointed in holland for a number of things . and even if he had never seen her b4 and was dead half her life i think he would feel guilty abt failing her. bc he's holland.

[vypridae]

9!!! 10!!! 11!! 12!! 13!!! or pick and choose <3

IDK WHICH FANDOMS U MEAN BUT IM GONNA DO EACH ONE AND ILL JUST PUT MY HAZBIN/HELLUVA ANSWERS UNDER A CUT SO U DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM

9. worst part of canon

ok the worst part of dgrp canon has to be the way they handle characterization, like especially with trauma. specifically in mind i have korekiyo rn, like they mega rushed his entire Thing and wrote it in a way that paints HIM in a terrible awful light when it very likely (or definitely) wasnt that at all, but the way it was written just fucks up so, so much. also the Danganronpa Repitition TM (flashbacks to

bsd uuuh oh my god i have to think about this one cuz i love bsd with a passion BAHAHA its hard to find flaws with that one (in part i havent consumed the media in forever), ik it might be just bc the series is still being written but its irritating that some things from like the first seasons are just not touched upon again? and maybe its because ihavent read the manga but like. did atsushi join the ada and suddenly the bounty on his head is just Gone? am i misremembering if they went back to that or not its been like a year since ive watched bsd i need to rewatch it but thats about all i can think of. im not even mad about the not killing any characters because fyodor is alive still

10. worst part of fanon

dgrp has a TERRIBLEEEE shipping fandom. i hated oumasai for the longest fucking time because i encountered this one rper way back when that like was a mega red flag SBGJKFDHGKA i hated them for a while after that (then they grew on me). you get shit on for liking, like, the more toxic ships in the fandom no matter your reasonings or whatever, and i feel like its just a really negative place to be a shipper that likes to explore bad dynamics (such as i)

i think the worst part of bsd fanon is similar. shipping sides of fandoms are ALWAYS bad i feel like, and there are a lot of people that will be like "skk is real fuck you for shipping anything else" or like "if u ship nikolai with anyone but fyodor i dont trust u" or something like??? its a fucking ship chill out its fictional it doesnt hurt anyone irl CALM DOWN

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

for bsd uh . only two surprisingly, and its two ships that i cannot physically make myself like?? thats all apparently

for dgrp i have uuh two and its literally also only two ships that i dont like BHASFKAHSK

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

for bsd am i allowed to say fyodor? idk if he necessarily counts as "unpopular" but i see way more hate of him than i see people liking him, but god fucking dammit i love him with my whole heart. hes so evil and those kinds of characters litearlly just make me gravitate towards them, hes so smart and cunning and you can do so much with his character, especially learning his ability oh my god? jhes so complex and i love him

for dgrp, i feel like every character is "unpopular" BAHSAJKAHk but for this i think i wanna go with chiaki. people hate chiaki because shes "boring" or at least they Did back when i first got into the series but shes so different in the game compared to the anime because the game shes based on her classmates' memories of her! shes only this "perfect" individual because thats how her entire class saw her, like she was made the class rep for a reason

13. worst blorboficiation

ok this one im trying to figure out what the fuck the definition is BAHAJSHFAJK from what im SEEING its like, the character that doesnt deserve to be liked as much as they are. (i dont think i answered this one correctly but shh its fine)

for bsd thats really hard for me to think of because i like literally every character but uuh if i had to say one ig i'd say uuh . maybe dazai? i feel like this is in part because people typically take away from dazai's entire complex everything because he's too complex for a lot of people (including me) to truly understand, like im not saying i understand him but i feel like a lot of people will take the wrong parts of him/exclude anything they dont like about him and go with that? if that counts but idk i still like dazai so i cant say that too much

for dgrp its the exact same situation with kokichi. they take his character, of which is incredibly complex, and dumb it down into the typical fandom woobification of "uwu baby who cant do anything wrong" LIKE!!! STOP!!! NO HE IS NOT!!! HE IS SO COMPLEX AND YOU'RE LIKING HIS CHARACTER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!! people that dont understand the complexity behind certain characters and are incapable of taking that as their blorbo and instead creating this silly incorrect version in their mind and making THAT their blorbo i just. thats not ur blorbo atp thats ur oc my guy

hazbin/helluva answers

9. worst part of canon

both of these shows are kinda not the best when it comes to being serious???? like there are some topics that shouldnt be joked about i feel like, and there are points in the shows that joke in relation to these topics. also theres not enough voxval but thats a criticism for another time

10. worst part of fanon

not even just the ships tbh, its liking any character thats either painted in a negative light or is just generally unpopular. the ships too but i could get to that another time. for EXAMPLE, me, i like valentino. a lot. he's one of my favorite characters. i feel like i cannot express the fact i love val because i will get called an ACTUAL rapist for saying it because "if you like val you condone his actions and thus are a rapist/terrible person/etc" when thats absolutely not at all how it works. i acknowledge that val is terrible, i understand that its bad, but i can still enjoy him as a character otherwise. his actions are what i dont like, ive never liked him (i actually hated him at first because of it but then i saw him being more silly in the series with vox and he grew on me), but you will actively get told to kys if you say that you even REMOTELY enjoy vals character

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

i have none for helluva but for hazbin i have four. three of which are for the sAME SHIP and one is another ship i dont like

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIMZYYYY dude she gets so much unnecessary hate. like, everyone sees her as annoying and terrible and i GUESS i can see where they're coming from but a. theyre in hell, everyone's terrible, b. people just see her as annoying because she interrupted hells greatest dad and they dont like that because they want their radioapple song or wtvr. i love her and no one can convince me otherwise

13. worst blorboficiation

ok THIS one i might actually be able to answer with the correct definition of blorboification. i feel like alastor gets way too much unnecessary love, and maybe thats just because i think hes too popular for being what he is but hes just not all that to me. like, hes a good character, yes, but some people like him to an extent that i feel like doesnt do him justice?? its like i said with uuuuuh the dgrp side of this question, they dumb down his character a lot and are just generally bad at making him ACCURATE to the point its irritating. (hey so yk how i said i could answer with the right definition of this i lied)

[imagineitdearies]

Hello! Just finished PS. I cannot praise you enough. Its easily the best thing ive read this year, and my resolution was to read multiple books a month. You surpass ALL OF THEM!

Saw ur authors note at the end abt an original queer vamp novel- is there anymore info yet? Im sure you've got ppl begging already but id truly love to beta when the time comes- or be first in line to preorder.

I feel like i read this at exactly the right time of my life.

The story was so painful yet rewarding bc i see so much of myself in Tyrus. Astarion and Tyrus truly feel like two different exstensions of my healing self. I wont go into it, but im a survivor to. Like tyrus, it happened when i was a young. Seeing his transformation throughout his decade of enslavement, his hatred towards himslef and the world, all bc of one man hit home. I kept telling myself that if it didnt have a happy ending id have to burn my phone or smthn lol. Seeing Astarion amd Tyrus not just defeat Cazador, but do it together, do it solely through their love of one another, broke me. The power of love, hope, and goodness. I havent cried over a fanfic since middle school. Im in my 20s now. I adored the final 2 chapters of the aftermath- im so grateful we got to meet his sister! And with Halsin, no less!

Im so thrilled you'll be adding oneshots and other stories to the universe. Tyrus is so real, so alive, id hate to see him contained in one story.

I love how Tyrus, ultimately, changeed. He didnt change into a monster like he feared, but what happened to him did changed him. Thats not a bad thing, tho. He's still Tyrus, simply a new version. And im still me, simply a new version.

I dont know if ill ever be able to reread, even skimming over the rougher parts was hard, but im so grateful i was able to see Tyrus and Astarion's journey. All of their triumphs felt like mine, all of their failures. Their never wavering love and trust in one another, that they understood it was Cazador that made them do those bad things. Ur right, pain and love must be intertwined, which is why this fic was so amazing. The highs would have never felt so spectaular without the lowest of lows.

Im rambling, i apologize. I do hope you read this, even if you dont respond. I hope my thanks and praise can give u something in return for what you've given me.

If you've made it this far, have you made any content on ur process? Ur planning? The flow was amazing, ur description, the flashbacks- did you go to school for writing? As a writer myself im almsot jealous at ur talent- but mostly curious :) id love to know anything you're willing to share.

Again, thank you. This was a gift, you know. I wont forget it.

Hi turtleurtle!! Great to see you over here, thank you so much for your kind words 🩵🩵 it means a lot any time I hear people enjoyed PS as much/more than published fiction!!

Speaking of, yes, since you ask I do have a little more to say now on my original story. I took a small writing break for a week or so but have now jumped back into the saddle for the next adventure! Lots of plotting, character creation, worldbuilding, and research happening right now.

Reuben, our first main POV, is almost fully fleshed out as a character and I’m so excited for you all to meet him (he’s an eloquence bard, for starters)!! The first book/part is almost fully outlined and I’ve written the first few pages. I’m really starting to get inspired by where the storyline is going.

Back to PS though—I’m so glad you felt seen with Tyrus’s character. He did inevitably change, but by the end he is (mostly) at peace with that and can still forge a good life and happy relationships. Meeting Cynda again was that last little piece of hope he needed to believe it 🥹

Haha the light does always seem brighter when you’re stuck in pitch darkness! On the other hand, it’s something Tyrus only thinks once, but I would argue love is not intertwined with pain more than anything else. Pain is just an inevitability. No matter what you do, you will experience discomfort, sorrow, loss, physical suffering (see Cazador, with absolutely zero love in his life). While love is not inevitable, it’s a choice. Love is a gift we choose to give and to receive in the midst of inevitable suffering and that is why it is so precious. Having that perspective has really helped me heal and have more hope for the future 🩵

Haha never apologize for rambling about PS! This thing has consumed my soul for the last 8 months so I love the chance to hear from/converse with people especially now that the full story is posted and all is revealed. Honestly wish I could sit down with you all and just discuss everything!! But seriously thank you for this message.

As for my writing, here’s a few writing advice asks I've answered, but i haven’t gotten too in-depth on my chaotic process yet. I will say long walks talking to myself, bullet lists, and brackets are my personal recipe for success (besides just writing for years and years) 😂 I did take a lot of classes in school too! If people have specific questions, I’m happy to give my best go at an answer.

Thanks so much 🥰

[helyeahmangocheese]

Give me the bipolar2!percy headcanons, my good royalty of ambiguous gender.

I have Bpd!Percy as a massive headcanon for him ^__^

okok this is just gonna be an info dump of what comes to mind and mostly comes from my own experiences/how I read percy but since you so kindly asked:

its onset is probably closer to the first Great Prophecy — not that hypomania wasn't brewing for multiple reasons and not that he hadn't already experienced depression but I do imagine that further into his teens he becomes more and more sleepless abt his inevitable death and he starts feeling more ok with so called risky behaviors

lol on that note he'd mess with annabeth and snack on her melatonin gummies casually before bed. it wouldn't do anything to him and he's not trying for that either—the strawberry ones just kinda taste good tho

realtalk this is honestly really unhealthy but he's probably convinced all is fine when he goes hypomanic during dangerous quests (particularly during HoO). this is the only time he truly believes he can do the world-saving, legendary things that he /is/ capable of. it's not necessarily that he has an "overinflated" self image—he's just at the point where he's willing to take the risks per the quest and believe he can pull it off. which honestly is often required for those moments, and that's why the cycles are so hard.

same with his having "grandiose plans" or having all this energy despite getting no sleep—it's all just his body coping with excessive trauma and unrealistic expectations on these quests, that's how he pulls it all off. is it technically a hypomanic episode? will he eventually crash? yes and yes, but he's also the son of Poseidon so wyd. he needs to have a plan and he needs to believe he can pull it off. he needs to pull it off.

oh but I would love to see percy's rapid speech written out as dialogue. like, explaining a plan he has but it's too fast and he explains it backwards but he doesn't even realize that not everybody is on the same level as him in the moment. bc that's what it's like in both types of episodes—just constant confusion abt where you are and why others aren't there with you.

his depressive episodes are fucking awful after quests and it takes a similar hit to him when nobody else seems to feel as deeply as he does about it. he falls back into self deprecation and it's really confusing for people to witness and experience these "two types of Percy." he's really not a fan of people labeling it that.

sometimes he just won't talk after and the best thing at that point is to just be around him let him choose how to express himself—because he's honestly really creative. music and painting kind of let him sit with whatever emotions, whatever episode he's experiencing, process it, and share afterwards. he's very vivid when explaining his experiences, he just needs time, and he needs to feel in control while also not self-isolating.

annabeth does a really good job of making sure he's not ever alone in a risky way while also giving him space and also they parallel play a lot.

outside of episodes, he just feels things very deeply in general. he loves deeply, he mourns deeply. when he says he feels for you, he fucking means it.

he doesn't necessarily rapid-cycle, but he has both types of ADHD so he has to be very careful about the lines between hyperfixation and hypomania. and inattentiveness vs literally just being dissociated. bc holy shit he did NOT see that coming when he started New Rome University—my boy managed to panic-complete all of his assignments during the week, go out every weekend out of FOMO, and then crashed so hard during winter break back home that I'm honestly pretty sure this is when they diagnose him.

bc tbh all of the other symptoms popping up during SON/MOA era and particularly through/after going through Tartarus made a lot of sense. but he was hoping it'd be over after he stopped feeling the need to sacrifice sleep to protect Annabeth every night, etc. the fact that uni became one of his triggers after hs was a total sideswipe.

boy was hypomanic during hoh-boa and when apollo saw him in that whole "please god not this again" state in toa he was in the corresponding depression tbh. idk if that lines up w the timeline but it's probably true.

also one of his "risky behaviors" is getting into so many commitments with various friend groups that he can't juggle them all but can he really help it bc he's loyal? like is it his fault that he's for some reason managing multiple club sports teams because he likes the people and he picked up so many different sports/hobbies out of boredom the last time he wasn't sleeping more than 4 hours a night? oops!

it also probably works that annabeth doesn't mind taking care of finances bc he will impulse spend it on these hobbies when he has all that hypomanic energy. love u bby boy me too.

literally word vomit but I hope that made sense and Im happy to elaborate or discuss heh! also: thank u for being absolutely correct abt my gender

[osarina]

hi carina !! havent been in ur inbox for a while, hru :)) i hope ur well >^< !!

i'm mainly here to ask if u have any writing tips/advice bc ur lit one of my fave bsd writers ever i adore all ur works sm and recently i've hated everything im writing ajkrnjekncvej SO IM WONDERING IF U HAVE ANY ADVICE CEJFCNJ (hopefully this isnt strange eabfihri)

you dont hafta answer this is u dont wanna btw !!! have a great day mwah <333

REDDDDDD MY SWEET LOVE BUG i've been doing okay!! work hasn't been as awful as i expected it to be, i rlly got lucky with my boss HAHAH - how are you doing?? you had exams right?? i hope they all went well!! sorry it took me so long to answer this one, but i wanted to actually be able to give u a good response so it had to wait until i had time i fear

IT'S NOT STRANGE, ur so sweet im giving u the softest forehead smooch. i'm sorry to hear you've been feeling that way about your writing though - i get it, trust me i do LOL, i go through days and weeks where i literally am revulsed by every word i put down in a doc. actually, i just went thru it like 2 days ago while writing the first chapter of civilian dazai so it's all fresh in the head LOL

honestly, i think the most important tip i have is really basic but u should never force yourself to write just for the sake of getting something out. like, i've done it before and whenever i do, i'm soooo unhappy with the results that it usually makes me go through a huge writing slump -> this happened with uu6 actually, i was so busy but i was trying to force the chapter out on time that i ended up rewriting it like 3 times because i hated it so much. finally i decided to move on to write some pmzai drabbles to clear my head & then came back to uu6 when i started feeling it again and behold, it came with ease. sometimes when i want to write but none of my wips are doing it for me, i'll literally conjure up a huge list of tropes and just read through it until one pops out to me LOL and then ill work on that

another i think basic piece of advice is reading. whether its fanfics, or novels, or whatever. whenever i have trouble liking what i write, i find something to read. reading is actually how i taught myself to write HAHAH my go tos are fantasy/scifi- tolkein, martin, herbert, rf kuang, i've been meaning to read sanderson but haven't had the time yet. honestly, in general, if i have free time and i'm not writing something, 9/10 i'm reading something.

i think plotting is also really important!! even for like one-shots, sometimes i get so lost in the writing that i lose focus of what the fic was originally supposed to be about and that frustrates me into deleting everything i've written. so something i do is i list out all of the scenes i want to see in a chapter or a one-shot before i start writing it so that i don't lose focus.

dialogue is a huge hurdle for me - sometimes i struggle to figure out whether or not my dialogue is realistic, so LOL sometimes i just sit there and speak it out loud, acting out a conversation with myself to see if it flows properly and then adjust accordingly. sometimes i do it for like descriptions/narration too if i think the narration isn't flowing or is too clunky. reading things out loud is a go-to way for me to figure out what's wrong with my writing.

and then lastly, this is more of a mental thing than anything else, but i've just slowly had to teach myself not to be too hard on myself. like i'll get so mad if something doesn't come out exactly how i envisioned it, and it used to genuinely make me so disappointed that i couldn't bring myself to write for days. so i've just slowly been working myself into a mentality telling myself that it doesn't have to be perfect to be great, yknow. and ten times out ten, you're seeing faults in your writing that no one else will take notice of.

so the whole tldr:

only write what you WANT to write, dont force urself to finish/write something

read when you can, whether its fanfic or novels or whatever u can get ur hands on

plot things out so you don't get lost

read things out loud that aren't making sense

work on not being so hard on yourself

[bloody-wonder]

omg im the tsc anon, i literally sent it cause i knew from the past aftg opinions you shared - you'd likely feel similarly to the way i did about tsc

neil outshines jean to such a shocking degree when he only has a handful of scenes... neil is a fantastic protagonist so ofc it's hard to live up to, but come on 😭 jean has such a weaker personality imo? he does/says less interesting things, but also has a less interesting perspective on things. his lack of standing up for himself when the trojans badgered him constantly and talked behind his back bothered me to. can u imagine neils reaction if the foxes had been sharing his secrets over a group chat?

but just in general. tsc felt like a sanitised version of aftg, if that makes sense? scrubbed clean of the controversial and unconventional aspects. and it's those aspects that, in my opinion, played a huge part in what made aftg so good. noras a very talented writer, but i can not comprehend the decision to make tsc... all that it was, yknow? it feels almost like it was written for the 'andreil say ily' part of the fandom...

neil really saved this book for me icl. outsider pov of him is fascinating. and while andrew barely said/did anything even when he was there, i actually kinda liked that? it puts into perspective how ig off-putting andrew can appear to those who don't put in the effort with him. 'creepy little goalkeeper' is so funny and so accurate, he IS a creepy little goalkeeper and i love that for him.

idk, some things i had anticipated - the trojans being who they are were never going to match the foxes. jeremy x jean was never going to match andreil (and ive seen ppl comparing them already... the blasphemy.) but there were things i was surprised weren't there. i had expected kevin and jeans relationship to be a lot more tense ig? i had thought jean would harbor a MUCH deeper resentment towards kevin, but i suppose its just not his character? but when i was reading, i couldn't help asking what would the fan reaction had been if that had been the case? if kevin and jeans past relationship, and places in a cult hierarchy, had shown through in a much uglier and uncomfortable way? i can see why she didn't do that, i don't even necessarily want that, i think i was just desperate for this book to have some sort of deep conflict between the characters.

on the subject, kevin felt quite different from how he was in aftg. but i can't quite put my finger on why.

anyway, it is nice to see someone else have mixed feelings towards the book. i enjoyed it, but i was shocked how many people seemed to really love it. not because it was bad. but because, to me, it was so fundamentally different from aftg.

thank you for sharing your thoughts! i suspected you might have written me bc i used to be the resident notorious contrarian of the fandom lol

yeah neil is a textbook example of a protag who drives the plot forward, he has that main character energy which jean totally lacks which makes sense since jean was originally a minor side character. at the same time the differences in their characterization make complete sense in universe due to the different ways they were brought up and the different trauma they faced. so it all comes down to each reader's personal preference: for me, neil's arc is a self-indulgent power fantasy. i think i have a strong sense of self and when i can't achieve something it's due to circumstances so far out of my control it's impossible to overcome them. it's therefore very satisfying to read about neil facing impossible odds and winning thanks to the sheer force of his personality, whereas jean's way of dealing with trauma feels less fun by comparison. but other readers can relate to him more and all the power to them. i do however think tsc does a disservice to its new characters by opening with a rather lengthy recap of how cool the foxes were in the last act of tkm and closing on a chapter where neil comes along and reminds us who the real hero of this story is🤷‍♀️

i don't think tsc has been entirely scrubbed clean of controversial aspects - i saw plenty of reviews complaining about the amount of dark content (in book 4 of a series known for its dark content, le gasp) - but i do think the handling of certain things was less nuanced than in aftg. for instance, both stories have a plot bit about someone unknowingly exposing a character to their abuser which leads to them being retraumatized (jean himself comments on the similarities between drake and grayson). in aftg that someone is nicky - a person andrew knows and trusts, a person the readers grew to care about (lol not me but certainly some other readers) - so his role in the tragic sequence of events is that much more upsetting. rape and abuse is terrible but the fact that a person who means well can exacerbate the issues bc they don't have the framework to understand the other person - that hits so much harder for me personally. so in the end drake is just an evil rapist but nicky is a much more nuanced character bc through him nora questions whether being nice and having good intentions is enough, whose feelings should be centered on in such a complex situation, whose emotional needs should be prioritized etc. by contrast, in tsc that person is lucas - someone we basically just met, who is nothing more than an antagonistic stranger to jean and who we therefore don't care about. which is why when he leads grayson to jean it's like, first of all, duhh. but secondly, bc it happens against the backdrop of the other ("good") trojans' cheerfully patronizing attitude it doesn't come so much as a shocking twist that puts the ways how we deal with complex trauma into an unconventional perspective than as a culmination of everyone disrespecting jean's boundaries all the time - which is likely what nora intended but the overall constellation feels much less interesting to me.

ig this ties into your point about the book lacking the kind of deep conflict aftg had - but maybe that was intentional too, maybe it's supposed to be aftg light in that sense, sort of a post canon character study fic. which i am not opposed to, not everything has to be high plot and tension and grey morality, but unfortunately the emotional core the story relies on in the absence of the plot just didn't work for me. i can accept jean's "weaker" personality, i can understand him not being able to stand up for himself even tho i can't admire it, but i draw the line at how forced his friendship with jeremy and the girls ended up feeling. like, i still can't get over cat's sex toy joke right on the heels of jean being badgered into admitting he had been sexually abused - the info which jeremy promptly spilled to the girls. if something like that happened to me i would never be able to trust these people again, much less call them friends so soon. it's such a bizarre contrast between how neil joining the monsters in tfc despite their problematic initiation rituals feels valid bc the narrative earned it both plot-wise (we're now facing a bigger enemy together) and character-wise (neil pushing back, talking about why they did it, nicky apologizing) on the one hand - and how jean accepting jeremy, cat and laila as his new friends feels rushed and artificial despite them being so very nice and domestic and wholesome on the other hand. idk maybe it's bc i'm inherently skeptical about disingenuous cozy/hopepunk subgenres in modern lit bc they usually have a darker underbelly people are loath to confront but ngl the words sanitized and conventional did come to mind while reading and so did the idea that tsc will especially appeal to a certain subset of fans which found the (at times uncomfortable) complexity of the original trilogy too much to handle. well, i hope they're enjoying their fantasy of healing a survivor of cptsd by cooking and shopping and hugs - i certainly got to enjoy mine in aftg, there's plenty to go around lol

besides, tsc being so different/separate from aftg makes it really easy to just not engage with the fan content and discussions if it starts feeling like they veer into the annoying territory too much. tbh my primary concern when tsc was announced was that it could contain some retcons about andreil and aftg which i wouldn't agree with - and that didn't happen, my boys are still very much in character, so i can just retreat to my enclosure and leave tsc to jean stans who are its main target audience in any case.

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

Thank you sm @itwoodbeprefect for the tag!!!

I hardly published anything this year so if u wanna skip to 'projects for 2024' that's gonna be the most interesting bit >.<

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 714 💀 but many more words were written, just not posted lol fics posted: 1 first fic/last fic 😅: King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963)

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

Doctor Who - no ships really but KotE is Mike Yates-centric.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

It's KotE again lol which is at 6 kudos. Of all time, tho:

After the Hour(glass) - Night at the Museum (Jedtavius)

Less Than Ideal Circumstances - The Man from UNCLE (TV) (Napollya)

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV)

Dismiss Your Fears - Back to the Future

After All, I'm Only Sleeping - Doctor Who (1963)

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

KotE......... I do actually rly enjoy KotE I think it has potential in terms of where it's going. But since I only posted one fic in 2023, I'll do my top 5 of fics I've ever posted. Apart from the first one this is in no particular order

tickertape - The A-Team (TV) it's my baby it's all I thought about for months of my life, it's like an iceberg (i.e. most of it is in my WIP doc, and only a tiny fraction is published so far), it got me thru a difficult time, it's an exploration of mental illness and complicated messy relationships expressed in epic format (i.e. it's probably gonna be novel length when it's done)

Bullet Number Six - Starsky & Hutch (TV) it received criticism for being obscure and hard to follow bc it switches pov briefly halfway thru but idc i love it anyway

I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues - The A-Team (TV) it was my first A-Team fic and I still think for a beginner it nailed some p realistic in-character dialogue and addressed an undertone I wished I'd seen addressed in the ep it's a coda to.

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV) it's kind of riddled with certain mannerisms of my slightly older writing which I personally find a bit annoying and have worked to iron out for the sake of elegance over the years. but I still think it's a cool little exploration of all my sleep headcanons for the pair of them in one place

King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963) see it made it to the list after all! I kinda like it more for its potential than for what it is right now butttttt who cares.

special mention to Unbereft (Starsky & Hutch) which I really really like but I wrote it in one frenzied sitting and only remembered after I'd posted it that it was very like someone else's fic I'd read several years previously. I don't think it's too much like to be taken down and I've since mentioned the writer of the other fic (it was dawnwind, hello!) in the notes. that's the only reason unbereft isn't in my top 5 because I'm otherwise really proud of how well it's written. Not to tootle on my own trumpet.

Fandom fic events

none RIP but maybe this year!!

Projects for 2024

Okay here we goooooooooooo

priority 1 is to finish the unfinished works that I've already half posted: King of the Eyesores, Every Line A Comedy, OUTATIME, The Windhover, tickertape, The Hanoi Bank Job and Other Misadventures, 38 Hours. Bolded are my top priorities.

other works that I'm writing but which haven't seen the light of day at all yet:

Dear Mike - an epistolary between Jo Grant and Mike Yates following her marriage to Cliff Jones.

The Lark/Behind That Locked Door (working titles) - a 30-chapter 2/Jamie fic about season 6B in which Jamie suffers permanent memory problems after the War Games. It explores grief, social ostracism, feeling abandoned, undirected anger, guilt, and acceptance that healing sometimes is a process that is never complete. I've been working on it since about 2016 lol but I'm lazy I just need to press on.

hell valley au - as yet untitled lol. In which the Hell Valley!Marty (who is never seen in BTTF2 as he is in Switzerland) and Hell Valley!Doc (who has been institutionalized) break out of their respective situations and go on the run together. But there's a problem - they had to leave Einstein behind, and when they get information that Einie is to be used for a dogfight, they make the risky decision to go back to Hill Valley to rescue him. However, going back to the place they just escaped by the skin of their teeth also brings them face to face with the last person they expect to meet.

a changed man (working title) - a Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) fic from Jeannie's pov. mostly it's about their picnic excursions but it's also about Jeannie wishing Marty wasn't such an elephant in the room

mfu/rahd xover (untitled) - the first chapter of this is almost ready to go tbh. it's what it says on the tin lol, Napoleon and Illya go to London and get help from a rather eccentric private detective who has uncanny powers of solving impossible cases but also they think is probably clinically insane

to see him happy - VERY weird rahd fic. it's smut but its also about grief. might never post it because several of my family members have access to my tumblr and therefore my ao3 lol they dont need to see that

the winter of '62 - a study of jeff and marty's life when they lived together in a grotty bedsit and couldnt afford to put the heating on

star wars (untitled) - set during ROTJ, han pov. han's lost a lot of time and now everyone is one step ahead of him which isn't a sensation he's used to

skyrissian - what it says on the tin lol

the older gen (untitled) - jeeves fic about bertie's aunts and uncles and parents as they were as they variously grew up, got married, had children, died (or didn't), fell prey to alcoholism or insanity or petty crime, went to war, prospered (or didn't)... This is pretty unlikely to be finished this year tbh as it's very detailed but I can dream

a couple of long form fics about starsky & hutch and mfu respectively (the s&h one is set post sweet revenge, the mfu one takes place at various moments throughout the show)

x-files series - canon compliant until paperclip and then gradually diverges into how i think the show should have gone lol. another biggie

and a handful of tintin fics that im protective of and might never post but we'll see - one where tintin and chang go on holiday in london after picaros, one where the gang encounters rajaijah one last time (featuring a letter from didi, chang making a very daring crossing at the songolese border, and tintin taking about ten years to chop up a clove of garlic), and one where tintin gets shitfaced at an embassy ball and accidentally starts an Incident. haddock looks on, appalled.

i knoooooooooooooooowww this is a lot but i'm not realistically hoping to finish it all this year but it's nice to have lots of things to play around with lol.

unfortunately i have the eternal problem of not ever knowing which of my mutuals write fic and which of those havent already been tagged but imma tag @theteaisaddictive and genuinely if u see this and u write fic ur tagged i want to knowwwwwwwwwwwww <333

[mynameisnowwyrm]

So there are essentially 2 ways of viewing any character and their actions: doylist and watsonian.

(Doylist and watsonian refers to analysing a piece of media with either the context with which it exists in our world, as in sherlock holmes does this and this bc thats how doyle wrote him, or analysing it by going off of the internal logic and setup of the story, as in sherlock holmes does this and this bc its in keeping with his personality and background)

The doylist view of robert sugden would be hes like that bc he is a character in a soap opera, a genre which is known for over the top drama, that has been written and overseen by many different people over multiple decades. He is whatever the writers need him to be.

While the doylist view is really interesting from a writing and media perspective, i have the most fun with the watsonian perspective.

Was robert written to be queer in the 2000s? Probably not, idk, i dont care. Going back and looking at old scenes with the knowledge that hes bi and reinterpreting them through that lense is fun. Robert being homophobic towards Stephen butler in 2003? He was repressing his sexuality and leaned really hard into being a STRAIGHT GUY who is really INTO GIRLS, what better way to prove that you arent queer than making fun of someone else for potentially being queer. Especially if you read it as robert having an initial crush on stephen, or at the very least thinking that he was hot, it would make sense that robert would want to distance himself from his own queerness.

Also going back and looking at roberts relationship with jack. The added layer that robert is bi combined with the fact that jack had really outdated views on queerness really meshes well with the already existing conflict between the two. They didnt get along bc robert wanted to do something with his life other than farming and jack didnt know how to deal with his son being different from him.

So here we have this boy, fairly normal, doesn't get along with his dad or brother that well, but he has his mom. Then his mom dies and his dad is arrested for her murder. Then it turns out his mom died because of something his brother did and his dad was covering for him. He tries to experiment with his sexuality but his dad catches him and punishes him before he could even do anything leading to 15 ish years of repression. The first time he has sex is with a 24 y/o woman, and while technically legal is very unethical at best, and her best way of telling him shes not interested in a relationship with him is to hook-up with someone else in front of him. Even if we just end there that's more than enough to royaly fuck someone up no wonder hes like that.

[intertexts]

OH YEAH I SAID I WOULD BE IN YOUR INBOX ABOUT THIS. HOLDING OUT A REPORTER STYLE MICROPHONE. 🎤🎤🎤 roswell intertexts I challenge u to give me 5 things you like about your writing . metaphors u like or words u like using or piece of dialogue youre proud of.... ANYTHING. ABT ANY OF YOUR WRITING. but they have to be self compliments >:|

EVIL OF U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but u followed through so i guess i have to now >:(

man!!!!!!! ok. APPARENTLY i'm "good at characterization" but that literally just is me like. feeling my way through a dark room trying to figure out what all the furniture is in the dark so that doesn't count. <333 but i like the. umm. intentionality? of my syntax? i guess? sounds wild when i do in fact have Cannot shut the fuck up ever disease [see: how long this is LMFAO] but i love economy & density of language... there's one like, hemingway quote where he's like. you shouldn't be able to take any one word out of a sentence without changing the meaning of it. u shouldn't be able to take out a sentence without losing something important. which is smth i think abt frequently... different when i'm messing around in someone's pov bc people don't actually Think Like That? but. u know!! i like the way i put words together on the sentence-level. i think its good :]

what else... i enjoy writing dialogue & talking around elephants in the room & messy stilted communication. took "they would NOT fucking talk like they're in a therapy session" to heart!!! its fun when characters are trying to say things they don't have words for. & also i do think my dialogue reads pretty good by dint of "every single time i write dialogue i spend an hour saying it all back and forth in their voices in my head & if i can't picture/hear them saying it i change it & go over it for ages." <3

also i think my main objective usually is like, grounding character interactions in a physical setting? i fucking love when theres places. like. ashe sitting on the floor in wiwi's room & it's important that he's there, & it's a grey late winter afternoon light coming through the windows, & wiwi has a place hidden frm the window sight line & stuff, same w/ the post-grayscale fic in the bago. & i think i do pretty ok at that :] would love 2 get better n i think i am as i write more!! (<- wiwi mark fic is in the kitchen at like. 6am btw.)

i think my stupid fucking code switching when in the tranches vs doing Literally Anything Else is really fucking funny also <333 nice & thoughtful words reserved ONLY for gdocs everbody else gets 1 million slang & heart & kittycat face emojis & no punctuation!!! its fun. hehe. god. LAST ONE ok i think its just like. awesome that i'm writing again??? that i can??? regardless of quality or whatevr it's like, genuinely insane 2 me that i've written & posted >30k since may. thats fucking crazy dude. if u told a couple years ago me that i'd laugh so hard. being so serious when i say that i thought the long covid + insanely stressful three year Transitional Period + Other Horrors had fucked me up permanently i thought i was just like. Done being creative & my brain was going 2 be permanently foggy and sludgy and useless n stuff. fucking wild that its not!!! makes me so happy 2 be able 2 do this!!! :]]]]] also i love new haven wards & its so cool n fun n awesome 2 have a shared au that spams the serotonin button repeatedly & bounce shit back & forth w/ u n whiskey etc. not 2 be a weird loner or whatever but the last time i did anything like this was literally high school. so. yeag!!!!!!!!!!! <33333

[geodetojoy]

For the ask game!

-If money weren’t an issue and you didn’t have to worry about work/paying rent/surviving capitalist hellscape what would you do with your life?

-What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever read and why?

-If you go back and relive one memory, which one would it be?

Ooo hello anon!!

Also this gets a bit personal near the end, especially in 3, which I guess is the point, but be warned!!!

1. I gave an answer for this a bit ago, I rb’d mysti’s post (I’m assuming you’re referencing that, I could be wrong)

But I’ll summarize anyway lmao

First, I’d run away. No exact place in mind, just away from where I am now. The only fragments of my past id bring with me are my cats, maybe one irl friend, and my online friends. Everything else, I’d leave behind.

I wanna give my cats the kind of life they deserve, bc right now they live in a basement with quite literally no access to the sun and it fucking breaks my heart.

I’d live somewhere pretty far out from society, likely near some forest, and I’d surround myself with plants and animals. I’d just love to be in a place with little to no light pollution and beautiful scenery. Not only would I love to live it, but I’d love to paint it too.

I’d focus on art more than anything. I’d finish WIPs, I’d have a studio in my house, I’d write, I’d study game design and make games, and so so much more.

I’d catch up on all of the videos and movies and music I need to see/hear

I’d let myself focus even more on my hyperfixations and throw myself into them entirely

And on top of that, I wouldn’t be afraid to accommodate anything for myself. I’d get rid of everything that causes sensory issues, I’d let myself stim constantly, etc. I just wouldn’t be afraid to be me.

(I think there were a few more things that I’m forgetting lmao so if you wanna dig for my last post feel free)

2. This is. The hardest fucking question I’ve ever gotten. How could you anon /j

There’s no way I could give just one answer so you get a list

1. Ok I can’t find a title bc I read this fucking ages ago but I loved it so fucking much it was a Pokémon fic where Ash and his greninja reunited and they had like telepathy, and it threw in a little bit of amourshipping as well which I used to be a huge sucker for. It’s mainly in this list bc of how well I can/could remember it; I would literally recite it to myself any night I couldn’t sleep bc a. I knew it so well and b. I wasn’t allowed on my phone after a certain time. It was also one of the first fanfics I ever read!

OK OK WAIT I FOUND IT ITS CALLED RETURN OF GRENINJA: UNITED BY ALEXANDRIA PRIME ON FANFICTION.NET

2. You Belong To Me by Smytherines!!!! I fucking love Spies Are Forever so fucking much and this fic kills me every time. Let my boys be happy!!!! Let them be soft!!!! Gah it’s just so beautiful and the art in it is fucking incredible!!! I could talk about it forever

3. Burning flames or paradise? Series by Insomnia!!!!!

Gah I love me some Smalletho!!! My boys just need to have a normal fucking conversation for once!!!

I’m also loving all of the new character additions and all of the relationships- I LOVE GEMS CHARACTER IN IT SMMM DUDE

4. To cradle love in open palms by svnnybee!!!!

The first Scarian fic I ever read and GOD is it a good one

Feat. scar being a big dumb boss and Grian being a little mischievous mole (but not for long bc he falls HARD for the guy he’s trying to spy on)

It’s just soooo fucking precious and sweet and I love them ok?

5. There is nothing more artistic than loving someone by Froggiestarrock!!!

Another Scarian one lmao but college au this time!!! Makes me cry every fucking time I read it dude it’s sooo good and we love some well-written disability rep for scar!!!! And aroace mumbo!!!!!

6. Take it all (even though I have nothing left) by Emojiconuser_456!!!

My absolute FAVORITE Qsmp fic

Charlie centric!!! My fav boy

I just looooove the way this is written and I loooove Charlie’s backstory and I loooove the way the slimes/magmas are written it’s all so beautiful and the WORLD BUILDING oh my god.

7. And how could I make this list without mentioning my writer friends!!!!

First we have eowynarchives with your lucky charm!!! A beautifully written treebark fic with wanderer Martyn and wizard ren!!!! I am in love with how it’s going so far it’s such a good story!!!!!

8. And continuing on we have my dearest soul-bound mother CharBeloved :DDDDD

They’ve written tons of stuff but my fav is Missing Memories, which is being rewritten with a new title of Found but Lost!!! It’s a really interesting genloss story with ciphers/puzzles (which I adore) and it’s got some fuckin crazy lore and I love it

9. Not a fic, but an author whose work I adore soooooo dearly!!! Quillandinktwink!!!! They also write spies stuff, curtwen specifically, and I could read all of their work until the end of eternity and never get tired of it. My fav of theirs right now is and you can savor every word which is a silly little confession story bc of silly little curt mega and his silly little hobby of journaling :)

10 ok I am cutting it here but the Ashamed series by TheBananaOwenSlippedOn (omg spies again who could have guessed) is an incredibly written au about Owen’s past (autistic Owen my beloved) and it’s soooooo painfully tragic and it makes me so fucking sad to think about the implications /ref

There’s so so many more that I didn’t include but I just genuinely can’t pick a favorite I just love fanfiction dude

3. Oooo another hard one!!!

I don’t wanna get too sad and depressing lmao but I don’t have too many good memories tbh?? Like I’ve had good experiences, I know I have, I just usually remember the bad ones, or smth happens that ruins what was once a good memory :/

And there’s tons of stuff that I’d love to go back and change, even if just a little bit, but that’s not the question LMAO

But I’ve got some in mind! And you’re getting another list deal with it /lh

1. My first ever dnd session!!! One part specifically that I’m SUPER fucking proud of-

So our party was kidnapped and imprisoned on a boat, and after we broke out we had to fight the crew. My character was a Druid, and she knew the spell Create or Destroy Water. So what I did was destroy the water in the sea surrounding one side of the boat so that the boat would fall backwards, sending everyone on board soaring in that direction :DDDD

My dm also played into this reaaaaaaly well and said that the lanterns lining the walls fell too and set the whole boat aflame it was fuckin AWESOME

2. My first time(s) talking to my moots!!!!! Mads, char, mysti, and now royal, if any of u see this, y’all have been the fuckin best part of my life and ily all so much I’m so glad to have met you :) <333333

3. The day I got two of my four (now one of my two, we have two away) kitties!!! I used to write about this every time we got a narrative writing assignment in school lmaoo so I’ll do a shortened version of that here >:)

So at my public library one summer, they were holding an event called Cat-urday where they brought a bunch of kitties from the local humane society for people to adopt! We went in, just having moved to a new house, planning to get two cats. I would get to pick one and my brother would get to pick another. I wandered around for a bit until one caught my eye. She was a mixed breed, almost resembling a tabby cat but with a white face, stomach, and boots, she was a few weeks old, and she had sprained her wrist trying to reach out of her cage. I picked her up to see if she would like me, and she practically melted into my chest.

Then, when we brought her home, she made my bed her temporary nest until she was fully nursed to health <33333

In summary, I fucking love my cats

(Btw I still have her, her name is snickers and she is so very dear to me :))) )

4. The day my mom discovered that I’m probably autistic

(I’m self diagnosed, that’s the only reason it’s worded like that)

While not necessarily something I remember fondly, it was an extreme fucking relief to hear that, a, someone else saw it too which really fucking helped with imposter syndrome, and b, I didn’t have to hide it anymore bc I thought that everyone I knew was veeeeeery ableist. Don’t get me wrong she’s still not great about it but just her knowing has made things a lot easier

5. Not one in specific, but I’d like to go back to a good time I had with my dad before I cut contact with him. Back when I thought he was a good person. Just so I could remember what it’s like for a lil bit

Edit: 6. I’d go back to the first time I watched spies are forever :))))))) GOD I fucking love that musical

This got….. incredibly long, sorry anon LMAOOOO

[allylikethecat]

More on the carsickness haha bc it’s such a sweet and like niche hc but also like makes so much sense ?? Also because I’m obsessed w atkh at the moment just like probably everyone else who ever stepped foot into ur tumblr page lol. How do you reckon fictional George ends up finding out about it? Bc obviously this fictional Matty is less of a complainer and more likely to like pretend everything is fine ig? I guess it’s just one of those things that he’d notice when they spend more time together?

ALSO. Since I’m here, and you said send asks so you can’t stop me ;)

I have been slacking on my atkh chapter comments and I realised I was sooo taking them for granted SO

Starting from the chapter where he breaks down at fictional! George’s, OH MY GOD ????? Written to perfection and I cried. I feel like it’s just such a good way for it to all happen but also so devastating?! And they fact that he’s finally realising that he was soo wrong about everything So then I’m super glad that they got some time to like- be happy- even if you’re going to crush that for a bit..

And then the chapter w charli and everything was so sweet. Fictional Carly is really just another mini protector

The SLEEPOVER ???? Was definitely NOT too self indulgent from you I ate it up oh my god.

And then the date oml. I love anything w the horses in tbh it all seems so personal and real. And the blushing oml so sweet.

Hope your team win the hockey game ? If that’s still going?

I am going to start off by apologizing for how long this response is I got very excited about your WONDERFUL ask...

IDK maybe I'm just projecting but like Matty, fictional and IRL just gives me "gets carsick vibes" so like he will be getting carsick in all of my fics lol Also thank you SO MUCH for being obsessed with ATKH because I am also very obsessed with ATKH and I am just so excited and so grateful that people are enjoying it and will to chat with me about it because that is what I want to be doing at all times lol I don't know if Fictional!George is ever explicitly going to find out - but if he does its probably going to be in the sense that they're going somewhere that's further away, Fictional!George is driving as always, and it starts out fine, but maybe they hit some stop and go traffic, and it's just taking forever and Fictional!Matty has gotten quieter and quieter, and he's got his forehead pressed against the window and his eyes squeezed shut and he is breathing really heavily and Fictional!George is like what's wrong you're really pale and Fictional!Matty is just like "I need you to pull over as soon as you can because I am going to throw up" and Fictional!George is like 😮 what shit and is scrambling to try and pull over and is just like in awe of how calm Fictional!Matty is about the entire thing and is like why didn't you say anything! But Fictional!Matty is just like I get carsick it's fine and Fictional!George is like THIS iS NOT FINE HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS and next time they go on a roadtrip he's got like water and ginger ale for him and like anti-nausea lollipops and is READY.

No part of me wants to stop you keep the asks coming this is absolute AMAZING and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read All the King's Horses I'm just so extremely grateful for everyone who has given it a chance and who has taken the time to chat with me!!

AHHH I'm so happy that you liked the chapter where they really ~talked~ about Fictional!Matty's history, that was one of the very first chapters I saw like fully formed in my mind when I started outlining this fic! It had moments where it was hard to write, but looking back I am happy with how it came out! Fictional!George is very obsessed with Fictional!Matty and that line between love and hate when it comes to obsession is very thin... but yes! They are going to be happy for a little bit 👀

I LOVE Fictional!Charli SO MUCH she is the MVP and the voice of reason in this fic and Fictional!Carly is a compilation of all the fabulous wealthy women who ride at my barn and have adopted me as their like bonus adult child I love them all so much and am so grateful to them and have had so much fun turning them into Fictional!Carly

HEHE I was so excited about the only one bed thing, that is like one of my FAVORITE things and I was so happy and excited to like full send it lol

YAY! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the date chapter! That was another one that was very self indulgent because I NEEDED to get Pop in there - I had to make some major edits to that chapter because I had accidentally made Pop the main character haha he might be the main character in my life but I was like this fic is about Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George not you Pop lol He retaliated IRL today by getting his third eyelid stuck over his eyeball and absolutely freaking me out because he can never NOT be the center of attention lol I was also really amused by how much Fictional!Matty was blushing - part of me worried it was too much but I was also like this fictional man has hardly had anyone do anything truly nice for him just because, ever, in his life, so he is going to be so anxious and embarrassed about it the entire time.

LITERALLY AS I WAS ABOUT TO START TYPING THAT IT WAS IN OVER TIME AND I WAS HORRIBLY STRESSED MY BOYS DID IT MY FAVORITE PLAYER DAVID PASTRNAK FUCKING SCORED IN OVER TIME HE WON THE GAME FOR US WE ARE GOING TO ROUND TWO OF THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS I CANNOT RIGHT NOW OMG LETS GO MY FAVORITE LIL NOODLE!!!!!

❤️❤️❤️ALLY